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Written by The Edge Editor
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
Trust your Uncle Edge, kids, your Mums (mostprobably) will remember this (guy’s) song.
You talk like Marlene Dietrich
And you dance like Zizi Jeanmaire
Your clothes are all made by Balmain
And there's diamonds and pearls in your hair,
yes there are...
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Written by Kingpin
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
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This month I have mainly been thinking about getting older. A lot of people I know have a big problem with getting older, obsessing about wrinkles and grey hairs and the like, and many people seem to do everything in their power to stave off the inevitable, much to the delight of the snake oil salesmen in the beauty clinics. Whereas I'm the complete opposite. The older I get, the more I like it, possibly due to being cursed with a chubby little baby-face.
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Written by Martin Farell
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
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I am writing this column, which I hope might become a regular feature of this magazine, for your edification and delectation; but more specifically to counteract the unopposed rampant fascism, defeatism, and whingeing of The Fat Capitalist Pig (hereinafter the FCP, or possibly ‘The Pig’ - depending on my depths of outrage at the nonsense he writes), opines Martin Farrell.
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Written by Tracie
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
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Forget about February being the month of cupid and love; after reading my column this month, you may want to re-think your ideas of proposing on St. Valentine’s Day and save yourself a lifetime of worry. According to the news, February, is the month where most couples throw in the towel and head off to the divorce courts. The stress of Christmas with the in-laws is said to be the final straw for most relationships.
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Written by The Grumpy Goose
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
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Wooton Bassett
How dare these dirty foreigners march through the streets of Wootton Bassett in memory of their filthy countrymen, women and children, killed by our brave soldiers in the pursuit of the defence of our freedom? Our brave soldiers are sent by our government to protect our freedom. Our freedom to invade and occupy any country we choose; and death to the indigenous population who oppose us. Our crusade is right; God's on our side.
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Written by Press poke
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
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Chelmsford Borough Council has placed a bid to host the 2018 World Cup, it was revealed earlier this week. If the bid materialises, the tournament matches will be held at Chelmsford City F.C., Admirals Park, Paradise Road "and basically anywhere with four coats as goalposts and some grass", whilst the final itself will be played in Melbourne Arena with FIFA headquarters temporarily being based in Stean's Shoe Shop on the parade.
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Written by Northern Lass
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
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As promised, readers, here’s ‘Our Ang’ with an update to the right riveting North/South divide debate she started in the January Edge, as viewed through her own inimitable ‘Mackem eyes’... If you're a Southern Jessie and you're intrigued by the rich culture of the North, well then, you might be considering a visit? A trip up North certainly comes highly recommended, but do be aware of a few points of etiquette in order to make your stay 100% hassle-free.
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Written by Melanie
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
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Whilst working for British Airways as longhaul cabin crew, I became
very intrigued as to the number of my fellow crew members who were
searching for love on various online dating sites, writes Melanie
Whitten. I knew it was difficult to find and maintain relationships in
my particular line of work, so I too was drawn to join an online dating
club in search of my ideal man.
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Written by Cheryl Norton
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
This month, I've started dancing lessons. It's not a new year's resolution, but more by luck that I'm going. My good friend Lou won a series of dance lessons for two people before Christmas. For some reason, her boyfriend wanted no part in it, so she offered the spare place to me. Being a big fan of the Strictly Come Dancing TV series, I jumped at the opportunity. I was excited to see that each week we'd be learning a new style of dance and had images of dancing the Tango in no time at all.
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Written by Birds Eye View
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
February is the one month of the year when, if my moods were actually mammaries, I'd be classed as flat as a pancake. The minute I've washed my hands of January, my sights are firmly set on March and no amount of crepes, roses or romantic rhymes can console me. But whether you love it or loathe it, you can't escape February, just as you can't escape a row of fat, spotty arses squashed against a coach window.
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Written by David Sherman
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Thursday, 04 February 2010 |
No, I'm not going to court even more controversy than usual by discussing that bloke who tried to blow up that ’plane with explosives packed into his underwear. My subject this month is one that will be familiar to all my fellow pub-going people-watchers; namely the complete and utter rubbish people pass off (knowingly or otherwise) as fact when conversing with their friends over a few drinks. And, for the record, all of the following were heard by me in the pubs of Chelmsford in the month of December. I'm even starting to wonder if anyone ever says anything that's true anymore.
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Written by The Edge Editor
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Friday, 18 December 2009 |
HAVE A SPANKING 2010
I’ve just been thinking about a few people I wouldn’t mind putting over my lap and spanking in 2010, readers, and (a) none of them are Rupert Everett, and (b) I really think it’d be great if they all dressed up as schoolgirls.
Lock me up and throw away the key if you like, but I attended a School Uniform Party (they’d definitely get my vote) recently, and I tell you what, it was right up my street.
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