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OK, now no disrespect to cab drivers intended, alright, because The Edge knows a lot of cabbies read the mag and they’ve been having a tough enough time of it as it is of late.
BUT.......if there’s one thing I cannot stand it’s cab fares!
I just can’t stand ’em. And I’m not saying they’re too high for the
service offered....I’m simply saying I HATE paying ’em, so I don’t.
(But I’m lucky in so much as I live pretty close to town and if I’m out
on a Friday night, I’ll cycle down to Lengthy Boy’s, park my bike in
his shed - I have my own key at a very reasonable rate, it has to be
said - and walk into town from there, irrespective of whether I’m
actually going out with him or not.)
But the times the wife and I visit The Fuckwit’s or ‘The Bates Motel’
over in Writtle and have to return home in the wee small hours in a
cab.....aghhhh, I just hate parting with the best part of a tenner.
So, why hasn’t any enterprising individual, or company, come up with
the idea of Booze Buses on Friday and Saturday nights that don’t even
start running until, I dunno, midnight?
It’d be brilliant, wouldn’t it? Climbing aboard a Booze Bus for the
journey home, complete with proper conductors in uniforms who have
machines on leather straps over their shoulders, and when you tell ’em
where you want to get off, they twiddle a few digits on their machines
(just like real conductors used to do on my School Bus back in the
seventies), turn a handle really fast and HEY PRESTO, issue you with a
proper paper ticket that doesn’t cost an arm or a leg.
OK, so the good thing would be that it’d probably cost about 75% less
than the fare of a cab, whereas on the downside, it’d take a fair old
while longer to reach your destination (what with continually having to
stop to eject any passengers who puke)....but who cares? You’re
shit-faced and it’s well after midnight already, so what’s another hour?
Now is this a GRAND IDEA, or what?
And how cool would it look......a fleet of old bright red buses driving
around Chelmsford between midnight and dawn, depositing late night
stragglers to their humble abodes?
Bugger, a SPECIAL SERVICE could even be run between 19:00hrs - 20:00hrs
that’d drop people off in the middle of town from all over Chelmsford
and in summer there could even be OPEN TOPPED BOOZE BUSES with the
sounds of Oona Paloma Blanca blaring out (or what-ever it’s called)!
So COME ONNNNNNNN.....The Edge is handing this idea to someone on a plate. What more do you want? Get the bugger started!
I honestly think I’ve thought this one through and I cannot see any
drawbacks. And it wouldn’t affect cabbies either because most people
would want to get home quickly. But surely I’m not the only tightwad in
town who would just LOVE a BOOZE BUS?!
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