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Written by Kingpin
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Tuesday, 02 March 2010 |
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Hands up who knew that all the bees are disappearing, asks Kingpin?
Those of you who did can sit in the ‘nerd corner’, with me. The rest of you can keep on reading. It might sound a bit daft, but it's true and actually rather serious.
All over the planet, bees are disappearing, and have been for several years, which is causing much consternation in the world of men who wear those odd looking hats with the veils, not to mention people that want to break the biggest beard of bees record. It's actually something that we should all be concerned about.
Like all good mysteries, no-one is sure exactly what's happening, and
the theories range from the plausible to the lunatic. My favourite
‘fact’ about the Beegate saga is what they're calling C.C.D., or
‘Colony Collapse Disorder’. This is basically when a large percentage
of the worker bee population of a hive mysteriously disappear en-masse,
causing the hive to die.
(A) I like the fact that bees now have a proper disorder, and (B) I
like to think of all the worker bees suddenly downing tools and saying,
"Sod this for a lark, my back's killing me!" before buggering off to
the bee equivalent of the pub or the seaside instead.
So what's the problem, I hear you cry. Surely this means we won't have
the aggravating little buggers ruining our picnics in the roughly 38
minutes of summertime that we'll probably get this year?
While it's true that bees and wasps (who are a specialised type of
Honey Bee, don't you know) can be a pain in the arse, they're actually
extremely important in supplying our food - and not just honey. Most
food bearing plants and/or crops can't pollinate on their own and rely
on bees to do it for them.
So basically, no bees, no food, which is something I'm sure we can all
agree is a very bad thing, especially for a porky bastard like me. My
own theory is that they've finally got around to watching ‘The Swarm’
starring Michael Caine and, er, they're killing themselves from the
shame of it.
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