This month readers, you're witnessing something that has NEVER happened before in the history of The Edge magazine. For one issue only, there will be NO glossy photos of fit, young women with silky cleavages and zoo-sex smiles plastered all over its pages. Are you all OK with that? Oh, purr-lease guys, you must know I'm only teasing ya!
Trust your Uncle Edge, kids, your Mums (mostprobably) will remember this (guy’s) song.
You talk like Marlene Dietrich
And you dance like Zizi Jeanmaire
Your clothes are all made by Balmain
And there's diamonds and pearls in your hair,
yes there are...
I’ve just been thinking about a few people I wouldn’t mind putting over my lap and spanking in 2010, readers, and (a) none of them are Rupert Everett, and (b) I really think it’d be great if they all dressed up as schoolgirls.
Lock me up and throw away the key if you like, but I attended a School Uniform Party (they’d definitely get my vote) recently, and I tell you what, it was right up my street.
Thought I’d get my column written bright and early this month, so I’m sat here penning this article but 48 hours after returning from a week in Montenegro.....and talk about feeling down in the dumps.
Mind you, it was hardly the best holiday I’ve ever had (would I recommend you go to Budva? No, I would not. Not when Rovinj is just up the road in Croatia.) Even so, I’ve still got the holiday blues.
Bugger, what to write about when I’m ‘all written out’ this month?
OK, well, I wasn’t going to say anything because I always end up getting it in the neck, but I’m off to Montenegro tomorrow for a week (but I’ll be back by the time you’re reading this, all being well).
I’ve just come back from having the doctor give my rusty star the quick once over. Christ on a bike, how nervous was I? Lengthy-Boy’s had a Q.D.F. (qualified doctor’s finger) up his sheriff’s badge, whilst Richard Gere is apparently partial to small furry rodents. But it was virgin territory for yours truly.
I’ve just returned from a long weekend (departed: 5.00am Saturday morning, returned: 11.00pm Monday evening) of camping, cycling, walking and a touch of real ale drinking with the good lady wife in sunny Dorset, and it was just one of those weekends where everything seemed to go just right.....apart from having to call out the AA on the M3 at about 6:30am when ye olde Edgemobile started ‘playing up’.
This is the Edge’s 150th edition. Put them all together and it’d make a book of biblical proportions, though hardly in content.
Twelve-and-a-half-years in the making. Jeez, that’s over a-quarter-of-my-life. It doesn’t get any easier though. And these are hard times, we all accept that.
Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you`d no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.
