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by a FAT CAPITALIST PIG in LEAFY SURREY
Caribbean Contempt
Call me mad if you like, but the thought of another holiday sweating on a sunlounger after taking eight hours to get there was, in the end, too much of a privilege. And for what? To watch large numbers of Anglophiles, if not Brits, dedicating their entire evenings to inebriation (sorry, make that fun). No, such held no appeal to me. I've done all the water skiing and sailing I can stomach in this lifetime, thank you very much. Yes, yes, I know, I know, I am well aware of the countless thousands who would give various limbs for a holiday in the Caribbean. But the truth of the matter is, familiarity does breed contempt, and in my own particular case, lots of it.
Sport
Congratulations to our heroic Ashes winning cricket team. As ever, the
hard way. After a resounding thrashing in that awful place in the
northern county, whose name I cannot bring myself to utter, England
came back with remarkable skill and indeed calm. It is wonderful that
the much maligned selectors (always deserved) persevered with ‘new’
golden boy Stuart Broad. After the northern match, there was much
demand for his head. He is only 23 for God's sake, and one of a very
small handful who has shown any real, natural promise since our beer
swilling swashbuckler, Freddy Flintoff.
I was fortunate enough to attend all but one of the Tests (guess which
one?) and I am once again reminded of the somewhat limited humour of
our criminal cousins. "Sing when you're winning," springs to mind. Very
strange also is the posse of ‘late mid life gentlemen’ (about 100 of
them) with whom I became acquainted at various stages of the series.
All dressed from head to toe in exactly the same olive green
tracksuits, complete with beer bellies and a canary yellow cap to round
off the ensemble. I don't know about you, but if I'd shelled out the
best part of £5,000 to visit the other side of the world, I would not
want to have a dress code for 10 year old school kids imposed on me.
Supporting your country is one thing: it reminded me of my trip to the
Moscow Olympics in the 80's (God, it was dull).
The joy of winning the Ashes is, of course, unsurpassed (perhaps only
by England winning a football World Cup), so we will just have to
content ourselves with the Ashes then. One of the reasons it gives us
such delight is our Crim Cousins take it all far too seriously. We are
supposed to be the ‘Whingeing Poms’, but do you remember the outcry
when the Edgbaston crowd had a go at Ponting, or indeed his remarks in
defeat? Just one day, before I die, I would like to hear: "England
deserved to win because they played better than us". (The paradox is
England were pretty shite throughout, but Australia, remarkably, were
even more inept).
Members
I am quite looking forward to the return of our expense fiddling,
serially adulterous, free loading Members of Parliament from their 9
month summer recess. I expect they'll manage a week or two (arguing
over their entitlement to half rations) before they break for the 3
month Christmas recess. I used to think Oxbridge took the piss with
three 8 week break terms annually.
Graduate
While we're on the subject of money, I interviewed a keen young
graduate yesterday. He got a first and clearly worked hard for it. He
told me he had £25,000 worth of student debt. He's 21. What is this
madness? When I went to university, William Caxton was just starting
his printing press. We were all means tested and the local education
authority paid all tuition fees. A very modest subsistence allowance
was paid for rent and so forth, and the (usually modest) balance was
made up by a weekend job and/or long suffering parents. This was over
30 years ago. There were Universities and Polytechnics. They were
different, and you couldn’t have 3 years in a modern red brick reading
‘Hand Knitted Yoghurt and Environmental Studies’. Not least (just as
today), nobody would employ you and nor would they fund you. So please,
let’s get back to common sense. Return to studies for ‘the
professions’, cut the number of ‘university places’ by two-thirds and
return to the full grant system so that everyone who aspires to
education (real education) is not barred by finance, but all are barred
from time wasting.
England, our England
Duly liberated from air travel in search of sun, I found it in England
(well, most of the time during August at any rate). Truly we have the
most amazing heritage. Thirty odd years ago, I first went to Burghley
House, in Lincolnshire. An amazing piece of architecture, history and a
phenomenal collection of paintings. One cannot help but be awe-struck
by this Cecil family owned pile. Nearby, I visited Peterborough
Cathedral (burial place of Catherine of Aragon), first built in 800.
Just take a look at the vaulted ceiling. Slightly further south, King's
College, Cambridge Chapel. A monument to our former creative genius and
architectural acumen. At 52, it was my first ever trip there.
Completely dumb struck by the sheer brilliance of the edifice. In stark
contrast, Paternoster Place, next to St. Paul's Cathedral in London. Or
that eyesore Gerkin. Oh dear, oh dear. And as for the Tate Modern (most
especially its contents), don't even get me started...
Watford Gap
Our country is an amazing one. Its heritage is stunning, illuminating,
inspiring, and very often free. Take time to see it. Though much
maligned, the weather too is very often wonderful, rendering such
places even more beautiful. However, I do expect the sun to finally
have disappeared this month, when the magic line north of Watford Gap
is passed - although you do get more sun in (unfriendly) leafy, gated
Surrey. After all, the taxes are higher.
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