Escort Agency Launches Special ‘Virgin Service’ for Geeks

A Dutch escort agency has launched a special virgin service for computer geeks. Sociology student Zoe Vialet, who created the service, says she has been receiving “an awful lot of enquiries from virgins.”  Most apparently work in the IT sector. "They’re all rather sweet,” says Zoe, “but they’re petrified of seeking out social interaction.”

Bookings last three hours minimum. Longer is possible, but not shorter.
“We encourage them to take their time and bath together,” says Zoe. ”Then perhaps a little massage so that they can familiarise themselves with the female form. And when the date is over, they have had a fantastic time and will in future know how to pleasure a woman."

Zoe and her colleague, Marieke, have five specially trained girls who look after the needs of geeks/virgins. She added, "It’s good to practice before having a girlfriend. Woman expect men older than 30 to have had some sexual experience. Some men simply need a little bit of help and it’s worth it in the end because surely there’s nothing worse than dying a virgin?"

Fury Over ‘Sexist’ Parking Bays

A Croatian shopping centre has introduced special parking spaces for women drivers. But the move has not gone down well as female motorists resent the implication that they need extra wide bays as they are so thoroughly hopeless at parking, whereas men resent the fact that women are getting special treatment.

The bays, in the busy Emmezeta centre in Zagreb, were meant to make parking easier for female customers. Decorated with pink flowers, the prime spots are wider, further apart, better lit and easier to get in and out of than ordinary spaces.

"Do they think we're disabled and cannot drive properly?" fumed one female shopper. "It's just old fashioned sexist piggery to suggest that a woman cannot park every bit as well as a man, if not better."

Meanwhile, male customer Ivo Markovcic complained, "Why should women get special spaces? I can understand disabled parking and parking bays for people with children, but women should simply learn to drive properly."
Now Emmezeta bosses have apologised for hurting their customer’s feelings. "We didn't mean any offense, honest,” said managing director Slobodan Skolnik. “Most of our customers are women and we just wanted to make their lives a little easier, that’s all."

Knit Your Own Hitler

A designer has created controversy by producing a set of knitting patterns of the world's most evil dictators. Rachel Matthews' new book has designs of a dozen dictators, with a photograph of Hitler doing a Nazi salute on the cover. She calls the Hitler doll Knitler.

Other tyrants featured are former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, Uganda's Idi Amin and Cambodian dictator Pol Pot. Ms Matthews is the brains behind Cast Off, a London knitting circle that has grown famous over the past few years. The group have knitted together on the Circle Line, at folk clubs in the East End, and were once ejected from the Savoy for their constant click-clacking. Knitting kits to make items including shoelaces, a cigarette, lipstick, a hand grenade and even a woollen penis are all available from her website www.castoff.info

Student Flashes at Taj Mahal

A student has provoked an international incident by posting a clip of himself flashing his penis at the Taj Mahal on YouTube.
A director of his school, the Euro College in Rotterdam, has formally apologised to the Indian Ambassador to Holland about the matter. What’s more, the school is also considering legal action against the student for damaging their proud reputation.

The young man is seen on the clip giggling as he takes his penis out of his trousers. The camera then pans around to show the famous backdrop.
“That’s not a penis, that’s a Hampton!” said one viewer of the site.