THAI MENTALITY
There’s a vast difference between how the Thai’s conduct themselves and how we Brits do. Take driving. They just get on with it. It’s every man for himself, just like over here, but it works and no-one appears to get stressed, angry or confrontational.

The Edge, The Movie (2012) HD

CRACKED IT
The Edge kicked off this brand new series last month, when Chelmsford was merely a town, with a warming tribute to Lek’s Thai Food outlet in Chelmsford Market…
Why, winter, of course.

CRACKED IT
That’s it, readers. We’ve cracked it. And, to be honest, it didn’t seem all that bad this year, didn’t you think?
What am I on about?
Why, winter, of course.

THE MONTH OF LOVE
Well no, actually, it’s just a day, isn’t it? And this year it’s Tuesday 14th February (not forgetting that 2012 is a leap year, of course, so ‘ the ladies’ are allowed to propose, although really, what sort of nonsensical bullshit is that?)

Back to the ‘Month of Love’ though, and yeah, why the hell not spread it throughout all of the 29 days? Seriously, what else have we got to look forward to right now?

I thought 2011 was going to be a good year because it had a number eleven in it and I like the number eleven and that’s about the extent of just how simple/daft I am.
But was it? A good year??
And will 2012 be better or worse?

Beth Chatto, with her stunning garden in North Essex, has had a huge influence on gardening over the past 50 years and has been a constant inspiration to the modern female gardeners of today. Carol Klein and Alys Fowler from the BBC’s Gardeners World are also regularly on our screens extolling the virtues of good soil preparation and teaching us how and when to propagate plants.

Despite this, a local lady from Chelmsford who runs her own landscape, design, tree surgery and maintenance business, still manages to raise eyebrows when she turns up for consultations at new clients homes. That’s because gardening has long been considered men’s work and best left in the hands of the retired man looking to supplement his pension. However, a new breed of female horticulturist/landscape designers are now taking on the men and beating them at their own game.

‘The Constant Gardener’, a business created and nurtured by Rebecca Woolley, has gone from strength to strength over the past couple of years, despite such difficult economic times. “I take a very pure and honest approach when talking to people about their gardens,” says Rebecca. It is such a personal space; a place for reflection, enjoying food with friends, or simply listening to birds singing. As an extension of the home, the garden is a room that changes throughout the seasons; through colour, fragrance, feeling and sound.”

Rebecca has worked hard to create a gardening service that she would want to employ if she were the client. “Integrity is the key to our success,” she says. “I employ only female horticulturalists plus an RHS Gold medal winning designer. Frankly, I have always found them to be far superior gardeners than men! Females have a wider peripheral vision, making their attention to detail far superior. They are also nimble on their feet and have smaller hands, enabling them to work with the utmost care and attention. And as we all know, women are excellent listeners and it is often reassuring for our female clients to have other women working in their garden than simply a big, burly gardener or landscaper.”

Sexism aside, Rebecca says, ‘The best gardeners are clearly those with an interest and appreciation of music, architecture, art and the wild, whilst the dullest are those who only care for plants and very little else.’

Fortunately, Rebecca has an interest in many things above and beyond plants. “I had been studying nutrition in London for three years when I realised I wanted to try something completely new. I have always been a creative soul, be it as a ballet dancer or DJ, with an interest in both art and nature, and it was during a break in my studies, whilst tending my mother’s garden, that I first realised gardening was the ‘new’ thing for me and ‘The Constant Gardener’ was born.”

Rebecca has grown the business organically over the past four years and says, “I am very passionate about what I do. I spend a lot of time researching and studying and expect the very best from the girls who work for me. They are a constant inspiration; loyal, honest, caring and extremely hard working.”

However, it was never Rebecca’s intention to be an ‘all female’ crew; it simply evolved that way over time. “I would love to see more women training towards a career in this industry. It is incredibly interesting. No two days are ever the same. And it’s wonderful working outdoors, so very close to nature. There’s honestly nothing better.”

Design and construction work is also gathering pace and The Constant Gardener’s reputation for high quality work has eventually started to filter through. “Most of our work is through recommendations,” says Rebecca, “but the launch our  www.gardenerchelmsford.com website has also helped immensely.”

We compromise in order to ‘get along’, for ‘a quiet life’, to ‘reach some sort of agreement’. Of course we do. And it’s only right that we should. After all, we are a civilised society. But genuinely how happy are we to do so; that would appear to be the question?

It got me thinking about other ways that we could raise
money over the Yuletide period, while hopefully livening up some otherwise
staid and boring traditions. Naturally the first thing that came to mind was
Christmas Carols, but with a Kingpin twist.

How would you like to see your favourite Christmas Carols
being belted out in the High Street by people with Tourettes syndrome? Come on,
admit it, it would be brilliant! Just think of all your Christmas favourites
getting a Tourettes makeover and being interspersed with random profanity.

I’d love to hear “God rest ye merry cocklickers!” or “Deck
the halls with hairy bollocks!”, and I can only imagine how good their version
of “The 12 days of Christmas” would be.

“Fiiiiiiiive big dogs cocks!

Four fanny-batters

Three wanking monkeys

Two Jizzlobbers

And a partridge right up your arse!”

A very merry Christmas indeed.