Now, like any other red-blooded lumberjack type of man, I’m not averse to the odd wank now and again. Indeed, according to some of the epithets hurled my way over the years I’m obviously proficient in many forms of self-abuse. One thing I could never get my head around though was the old “prostate massaging” caper. Call it what you like, in my mind a finger up the bum is a finger up the bum, and I literally pucker up tighter than a drum if I even hear the phrase.
The device pictured above is a prostate massager for the more discerning type of monkey-spanker, seeing as it’s made from solid gold or silver and will set you back around a grand. I’m struggling to see what the demographic is for stuff like this (and I’ll tell you about the platinum dildo encrusted with diamonds another time. Seriously.) Call me biased if you will but I just can’t imagine men who like kicking their own back doors in when they’re having a crafty tug will be that bothered if it’s made of solid gold or not. Is this trying to add a stamp of respectability to the noble art of butt-plugging?
If it is then I’m sorry, but that dog won’t hunt. If you’re the sort of person that thinks nothing can make you more distinguished than cracking one off with a lump of solid gold shoved up your jacksie, then I honestly don’t know what to say to you. If reading this has made that sexual “Eureka” light bulb flash above your head then you can get yourself one of these from www.babeland.com (and if that web address doesn’t scream “classy” then what does?) and after spending so much money on it you’ll be pleased to know it comes with a years warranty.
I’m not sure exactly what can go wrong with a solid lump of metal mind you, and I’m pretty sure the warranty won’t cover you, er, “losing” it somewhere, so check the small print.