As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a Parking Officer’s funeral, a voice from within screamed: “Hey, is there anyone out there! I’m not dead! I’m not dead! Let me out!”The vicar smiled, leaned forward, sucked in air through his teeth and muttered, “Too late, mate. The paperwork’s already been done.”
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the missus decided to commit suicide together. Well, it was a particularly miserable time of the year and neither of us could see the point in carrying on anymore.Strangely enough though, once the missus lost the toss and went ahead and topped herself, I immediately started to feel a whole lot better about things. As though a dark cloud had suddenly been lifted.So I thought: ‘Sod it. I’m going to soldier on.’
What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A. An incredibly vicious rumour.