The Grumpy Goose

Shaun November 3, 2011 0
The Grumpy Goose

We have become used to body- part transplants; they are, almost, routine. The first heart transplants made front page news; now, they go unreported. Soon, we will all know someone who has received a part from someone else’s body.

We feel sympathy for the deceased donor, but we are very pleased to receive their ‘gift’ of a heart, a kidney or a liver. We are happy to have another person’s body part inside our body.

But what about a cock?

If you lost your cock in, for example, an unfortunate gardening accident, or, perhaps, whilst preparing the Sunday roast, how would you feel about another man’s cock being attached to your body?

And a dead man’s cock at that! Every time you took it out to pee, you’d be touching another man’s cock.

Answers to the Letters Page, please.

TV

I, like you, pay for a TV license; it goes to the BBC. Consequently, the BBC do not show adverts, because they don’t need to, as we already pay them.

I also subscribe to Sky; 500 channels of shit for £52 per month. A programme begins, then, but 9 minutes later, there’s 12 minutes of adverts and trailers (the same trailers over and over and over and over and over again).

I pay, yet I get adverts.

How stupid am I?

Answers to the Letters Page, please.

Call Centres

In particular, AOL.

I moved banks, so I notified AOL of my new bank details. The fol- lowing month, my internet service was disconnected, without warning, for non payment. I called AOL and explained, once again, about my new bank account. The ‘phone call took 20 minutes. Then it took AOL 2 days to restore my service.
The next month, the same thing happened. And the next. Only this time, the man in the call centre, in Mumbai, said he could not discuss the account unless I could confirm the bank account that the last payment was made from. I told him that was the problem; AOL had not been tak- ing the payments from my account. He repeated his question. I gave the same answer. He repeated his question. I gave him the same answer. He repeated his question. I confess I swore and called him an effing idiot and hung up.
So I moved to BT. Who also have a call centre in Mumbai.

Who’s the effing idiot?

Answers to the Letters Page, please.

Injury Lawyers For You

The TV ad shows 4 obnoxious ‘lawyers’ standing on the steps of an imposing building. They look impressive in their shiny suits. They ooze masculinity; especially the woman. They begin to tell us how we can claim for spurious accidents, when, oh no, the dreadful woman falls. One of the men says: “You see, even we have accidents.”

Of course she fell. She was try- ing to walk and talk at the same time.

Women, know your limits!

Comments to the Letters Page, please.

Colonel Gaddafi

The new ‘government’ of Libya captured Colonel Gaddafi; they abused him, they beat him, they terrified him, they killed him, and then they dragged his body through the streets.

Isn’t it comforting to know that, after all that has happened in Libya, the new government is sticking to traditional values. Only now the real fight starts. The fight for commercial contracts with the new govern- ment. After all, they have oil. How long before we turn on the new Libyan leader and put pictures of his dead body on the front pages of our newspapers?

Answers to the Letters Page, please.

Honesty

I read a news story about two boys who found and (amazingly) returned £5,000 cash, which of course was the honest and right thing to do.

However, people were berating the owner of the five grand for not offering the boys a reward. Some even ventured that 20% would have been a fair amount. £1,000; the price of honesty.

It seems we know the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Surely honesty is its own reward?

Comments to the Letters Page, please.

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